Monday, June 21, 2010

The Most Vicious F Word in the Dictionary

We've all heard it at some point in our lives from someone we deeply care about and despite the good intentions of the person saying it, the F work can be the most painful work in the dictionary. Now before you go assuming the word I'm talking about rhymes with any combination of truck, trucking or trucked, you're misinformed, that word is usually intended to be a relief or intentionally hurtful. It's the F word that isn't meant to be intentionally hurtful that wreaks the most havoc because you would honestly rather be called a mothertrucking witch or ?sshole than this word when the person delivering the blow sheepishly proposes becoming the F word, which as kindhearted as it is intended to be, turns into the most degrading relationship proposition imaginable.

If you haven't figured it out yet, or scrolled down to see the song title, the F word I'm talking about is the word friend. The dictionary definition of friend is as follows:
friend (noun) - 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
friend (verb) - (sadly this is now an alternate definition...smh)
1. To add (someone) as a friend on a social networking website.
Now if I were to get the opportunity to amend the dictionary definition to include an alternate, more real life use of the word, my definition would be as follows:
friend (noun) - a person with whom you used to be in a relationship with and trust that now only likes you enough to offer a compensatory, contrived offering of distanced companionship in a last ditch effort to make you feel less hurt seconds after removing your once beating heart from your chest
Hopefully that wasn't too graphic for the kids frequenting my blog (yea right), but I suppose they need to learn at some point because the double edged sword that is the word friend is unforgiving and deceiving in it's double meaning. Oh what's that wanna be player in the back who is trying to act hard like this has never happened to him? You've never caught a touchdown pass with two feet in friendzone (respect the NFL rules)?? Not my fault you settle for insecure, fat girls/guys, reach higher dude/woman. If you haven't heard the phrase "I think we should just be friends" or at least attempted to out-punt your coverage only to shank it into the stands 10 yards down the field, you need to stop settling for that net 30 yd punt...dudes in the NFL college get cut for that kind of effort.

Now that I've gotten that spiteful, but fulfilling rant of my chest, let's focus forward on the ballad at hand by IYAZ, who, by the way keeps putting out hit after hit if you haven't noticed. It would be hard to argue that JR Rotem's influence on IYAZ's hits hasn't been the primary fuel behind his splash into mainstream music, but IYAZ still has to delivery the catchy hooks and execute verses, so more power to him. Add this to the two aforementioned tracks, plus his upcoming single So Big (that I'm also a big fan of) and you've got yourself 4 legit hits on a debut album, which is almost unheard of.

Everyone knows someone who is an absolute lock for being a perennial All-Pro Wide Receiver for catching TD's in the friendzone (I see you Kman!), but needless to say, regardless of man or woman being effected, it's never fun to hear about or watch the catches (especially if they are in slow-mo). On a funny note, I found a message board conversation that discussed the friendzone topic that is absolutely hilarious (see here). The most accurate quote I saw on the whole post was "Yea, (the friend zone) is real, but there's nothing a little alcohol can't fix." For all you visual learners, here's another artist's rendition of the friendzone with a cameo from Mario:
Then, in case there are folks reading this who are wanting to get out of the friendzone, here is an artist's rendition of how to get out of the friendzone and into the greener pasture that is a (supposedly) a relationship:
Even I don't even have the audacity to take credit for coming up with something that nerdy, creative and absolutely hilarious, thank yab. I think IYAZ summarizes it best on the hook by saying:
Oh no you didnt just call me friend
Oh no I must be hearing things
You can call me wrong
You can call me right
But dont you call me friend tonight
IYAZ - Friend (prod by JR Rotem)
Cop it on iTunes


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